“I Don’t Know What’s Wrong With Me. I’m Just Lazy.”

Sara found herself missing trivia night again.

Sitting on the couch, feeling heavy and stuck, she thought,
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just lazy.”

Sara grew up with a very critical mother.
“You’re not good enough.”
“You’re not trying hard enough.”

Over time, that voice became her own.

What Sara didn’t realize was that these judgments weren’t motivating her — they were intensifying everything.

When we judge ourselves or others, our emotions tend to rise.
As emotions rise, our thoughts become more extreme — more black and white.
And when that happens, our bodies respond.

For Sara, her body went into freeze.
Heavy limbs. Low energy. Shutting down.

She stayed home, skipped trivia night, and felt even more ashamed — which only reinforced the belief that something was “wrong” with her.

Nothing was wrong with her.
Her nervous system was overwhelmed.

Sara’s brother reacted very differently.

When his emotions rose, his heart rate increased. His thoughts became sharp and attacking.
He felt restless, agitated, and easily provoked.
He often found himself getting into arguments with his girlfriend, saying things he later regretted.

Same process.
Different body response.

For some people, heightened emotion leads to freeze.
For others, it leads to fight.

What both Sara and her brother were experiencing was an automatic cycle:

The body activates.
Heart rate changes.
Thoughts show up.
Behavior follows.
Then comes guilt or shame — because the behavior doesn’t match who they want to be.

And that’s the painful part.

Because our values — who we want to be in this world and how we want to show up — are still there.

Sara discovered that one of her core values is connection.
Not productivity. Not perfection. Connection.

Once she named that, something shifted.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
She began asking, “What matters to me right now?”

One of her value-based goals was going to trivia night with friends.

So when the heaviness showed up in her body, and the judgmental thoughts started —
“You’re lazy.”
“You should just stay home.”

She paused.

And in that pause, she asked herself:
“What’s important to me right now?”

Do I stay home — or do I choose connection?

That pause is Wise Mind.

Not loud.
Not perfect.
Just a small moment of awareness that opens up choice.

Sara didn’t suddenly feel energized.
The heaviness didn’t magically disappear.

But she went to trivia night anyway.

And over time, that Wise Mind voice — the one that helps us act in alignment with our values — began to get a little louder.

Not because she judged herself less overnight,
but because she learned to pause, notice, and choose.

If you recognize yourself in Sara’s experience—feeling stuck, judging yourself, or acting in ways that don’t align with what matters most to you—you’re not doing anything wrong. These patterns often develop automatically, especially when criticism or pressure has been part of your history.

Learning to notice these cycles, reconnect with your values, and create space for Wise Mind is something that can be practiced and supported in therapy.

You don’t have to do this alone.